From our eNewsletter
A few months ago, we invited readers and our website visitors to submit their divorce-inspired stories to our divorce blog. Our goal was to help readers express themselves, heal some of their wounds, and connect with members of our community who are traveling on the path of divorce. Below, we’re pleased to feature some selected written works
The Wisdom of a Grandmother
By Dana E. M.
… Our divorce was finalized after two years of pure hatred, name calling, playing “This Is Mine, You Can Keep That”… Fast forward another year when I was out visiting my 90 year-old grandmother in rural Mississippi… I was griping about some stupid thing my ex- husband had done when she looked at me and said, “Why do you hate him so much? You were best friends until you divorced.” “WELL”, I began, “He did this, and this, and this… and I CAN’T STAND HIM.” Pitifully, she just shook her head and looked at me and said “You’re divorced. You don’t love him. He doesn’t love you. But you have a small child together and you need to stop acting so selfish and start acting like parents. Forgive him and move on.” Ok. Let me tell you that when your grandmother (who normally has you on a pedestal and thinks you can doabsolutely nothing wrong) begins tonotice that you’ve become nothing more than a griping whiner, you have to really look at yourself.
So upon returning home, I called my ex and we decided we needed to try to work out his – I mean our “communication” issues… Although we had never argued in front of our son, we realized that if we wanted to bring up a good, well rounded child, we would need to stop the constant complaining and arguing. The plan worked…
We are going to be celebrating our son’s birthday soon and he has decided on a “Paintball Party,” where all of the guests have guns filled with little balls of paint, and you run around shooting paint at each other… Although we are good friends now, my ex-husband and I will both be participating in the party and I cannot wait to get out on that field and hunt him down. I mean, seriously, friend or not, where else can you shoot your ex-husband and get away with it?
A Chance to Do Right
By Jason W.
… I am a father of two bea(u)tiful children: my daughter 2 years and my son 7 months. My divorce story begins in January of this year… I went to work just like any other day, but by 9 pm the police were there to arrest me… I was taken to the courthouse to find out my wife had told them I pushed my daughter into a wall (you can imagine my shock) among other things; like I threatened to kill everyone and what not. After I was explained the situation and the terms of the restraining order she requested, I was taken to county jail for the night.
… Her parents… told her to file for custody/support… From there we started the back and forth of he did this and she did that. The problem is, everything she said was taken as fact (with ABSOLUTELY NO evidence) while my accusations were based on presentable facts they were thrown out andignored. My wife has a long historyof mental illness, has been in the psych ward… The law guardian (who has never so much as said hello to me let alone spoken to me) is convinced it is best for the children to stay with their mother. The social worker, whose report says specifically there is no evidence to support any allegations against me, says it is best for them to stay with their mother. The system itself of course is biased against me simply because I’m the father… She complains constantly that she “got nothing” because I have the house and my cars… I’m sorry but the children are everything as far as I’m concerned. I am at a loss because it seems everyone has me backed in a corner.
After months of fighting I have agreed with my lawyer that it is easier to just make peace and see where we can go outside of court… I’m hoping that one day the bickering and backstabbing will cease and we can be around each other without the drama. I have wanted nothing more than peace from the beginning. I plan to see to it that we become friends for the sake of the children, I will not allow them to see us fighting…
I wanted so much more for my children but as my therapist has repeatedly told me, “This is a chance for you todo right what your parents didn’t.” And I fully intend to make the best of this situation both for my wife and I andthe children. I appreciate any advice or comments you all may have. Thank you for reading my story and I am touched by all of yours.
The Ringing of the Bell
By Holly H.
… As I ponder all of the events that have transpired throughout the course of our twelve year marriage, I am actually surprised we made it this far as husband and wife. I am not, however, surprised we are still friends and enjoy each other’s company. Generally speaking, we have the same priorities in life. It’s just a bummer that marriage falls near the bottom of our priority lists.
… I could cite countless examples of the low priority we both placed on our relationship… I actually left town, the day after our wedding to attend a company sales meeting. We both agreed that we didn’t have time to take a honeymoon… Either my husband or I traveled at least half of the time we were married… We both happily accepted promotions and elevating career moves which drove us to move to 6 different cities and a dozen locations in 7 or 8 years… Things changed drastically once wehad our two children. While the kidsalways came (and will always come) first… we spent even less time together and lowered the priority on our relationship even further.
Many events have transpired between then and now which have led us to where we are today. Later today though, when my husband and children come home for dinner, as they usually do after having spent the weekend at his place, the doorbell will ring. I wonder what my husband will feel when he rings the bell of the home where he once lived. Nevertheless, with that ring, I will be reminded once again that my wakeup call came too late.
If you happen to be struggling in a relationship with your spouse or partner, consider for a moment what it would be like for them to ring your doorbell for Sunday dinner. Would you prefer them use their key?.
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